a maddening hum

a maddening hum
The endless drum
The current beating on
laughing at me
with me
The sheer magnitude of force
the emptiness
something happened in that room
I wanted one more taste of bitter fruit
I found it - with you
Now, life is unfamiliar
I can grasp nothing
I carry on as I have learned to
But I can't run from the question
No, it chases me faster
This isn't seeking for control
This is the universe's mad rush
The universe in ecstatic motion
acting with force upon me

I am of the world to raise a child
but I am not of here
I am him, I am her
I am all the characters in the play
and none
The net catches "me"
I am Indra's Net
Who have I become?
Why does nothing make "sense" any more?
I am not lost
I am not found
And I cannot be ... you cannot place me
There is no me to be found
There is no river, no path
No boat, no ocean
the tides go nowhere
There is nothing to complete
Nothing means everything
Everything means nothing
What felt like the most a mirage
Can my psyche hold the collapse?
It's too late to draw back
We find out
here

This is what giving in to love feels like

Let yourself break open

Again + again